Playing Catchup

I dreamt about my mom Sunday night. It’s the first time I have. Well, it’s the first time I have and remembered it. I remember her hugging me and me telling her how much I missed her. She was dead, but for some reason had come back. I had just finished my run on Monday when I remembered it. It was quite an emotional moment. I can’t figure out why I dreamt about her, but it was soothing, at least during the dream.

I did manage to run 4 terrible, horrible, mean, nasty miles on Monday morning. I had planned to do between 6 and 8, but 4 was all I managed before I gave up. This wouldn’t bother me so much if it weren’t for the fact that since my 7 mile run 3? weeks ago, every single run I’ve tried has been bad. I don’t know what’s up. So, I’m reallllly worried about the half marathon right now.

We had a bit of snow last Thursday night. All I could think was that I wanted to run in it. Of course, it was mixed with ice, so no running for me. Besides, a good part of it was gone by Friday morning. We’re expecting ice on Friday. Yay… :/

We started a Zumba class at church. It’s dvd led right now, and started last night. Hopefully that will get going and we can really minister as well as be more fit.

Hmm…that’s all for now. I think.

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Confidence is a Squirrely Thing

This is from the end of January. Just trying to catch up the posts I never put up.

Confidence is a squirrelly thing. My husband was surprised, he says. Why? When I came in from my run on Sunday, I was pleased. It felt good. It was the first time a run had felt good in 3 weeks. Now, granted, my runs are intervals of running and walking. But still. Sunday’s run felt great. All 5.5 miles of it. The hubs said he didn’t understand it.

He sees me as a super-confident person. He said I was like my mama in that manner. Mama wasn’t either. But she did carry herself well. I don’t think I carry myself like she does. I surely feel like I question myself more than she ever did. But, I’m not in her head. And obviously, no matter how well we get along, and how well he thinks he knows me, he’s not in mine!

He said he was surprised, but after we talked about it, he understands

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What’s this word…Snow?

So, I started hearing the s word last night. Now, it’s being treated like it’s actually going to happen. Right. emoticon

I would love for it to snow about 6 inches. But, it’s rained all day today. Going to keep raining. So, by the time the temperature drops, it’s going to be too wet. Sure, it’s going to be in the 20’s tomorrow. That just means ice where the wet was. Boo.

I love how the weatherman calls for it, and everyone gets disappointed, myself included! It happens almost every time. We just don’t get a lot of snow any more.

I thought this winter was going to be a hard one, but so far, I’ve been disappointed. I want a big snow storm! It’s been 12 years since we’ve had one. Don’t you think it’s about time?

The funny thing? Instead of wanting to go riding, I’ve been wondering what it would be like to run in the snow. I wanna!

C’mon snow! Don’t disappoint me!

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Do the Thing

I may just be a wannabe, I may not be a runner. But, I’m doing far and above what a lot of other people are doing. Some can look at my times, look at how damned silly I look when I run and laugh. But…if they’ve got time to do that, they’re not moving their body.

The hubs gave me a great compliment Sunday morning as we were heading out to church. I asked him how I looked and he replied, “Good. You’re looking good in most anything these days.” It made me smile.

He’s never told me anything but how beautiful and sexy I was. He’s told me that at any size. But, other than losing a bit too much booty, I think he’s pretty pleased with this loss. And to be sexier for the hubs…well, that’s a great consequence of this new lifestyle.

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I’m a Wannabe

They can say all they want that so long as you run just a little, you’re a runner. Let me tell you, that may work for the rest of you, but for me….It’s all lies.
I’m no runner. I’m just a wannabe. I want so badly to be able to run. I can shuffle. I can shuffle for a mile without stopping. But when I shuffle, people walk faster than I do. My shuffle is just less than 14 minutes per mile.

There’s only so much of the good attitude I can go with before I realize I’m only a wannabe. I did my first mile on Saturday in just over 12 minutes. Because I pushed that first mile, I was slower the last two (over 14). Yes, I improve a little bit at a time. But I’ve been working my but off to only see a 15 second improvement is harsh.

I guess I’m just beginning to doubt ever seeing a decent, respectable 5k finish time. I’m registered for a freaking half marathon in February. I guess I’ll just have to walk it.

I want to be a runner. I enjoy it. I feel so dang good when I’m finished. But no amount of hard work seems to be getting me any closer to feeling like a runner.

Edited to add: I’m not just starting out. 🙂 I’ve been doing this for 8-9 months.

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Sensitivity

I’m usually not too sensitive of a person. But, over the last few years, I have found that some things really, really bother me.

This week I’ve been dealing with a looming yearbook deadline. There were two of us ‘advisor’s’ last year, and there’s three this year. I’ve found that I cannot deal with creating a page and having someone go behind me and make changes to it. These changes can be as minor as moving a picture, adding a border, etc. I can deal with it if we can talk about it…I think. But I absolutely cannot deal with it otherwise.

So, because of this, I’m stepping back from yearbook. It’s something I absolutely love. Until we get down to deadlines and someone comes behind me and changes what I’ve done.

I hold no anger, animosity, etc. They think they’re helping, I’m sure. But every detail is my choice. Every placement is done for a reason. To have someone just flippantly toss my work around drives me nuts.

I’m sure it’s my problem. But life is too short to sweat the small stuff. I’ve upset the other two folks greatly, but I cannot continue with this pattern. I have to step back, and let them own it. If I own it, I own the creations. If I own the creations, I cannot handle it being changed behind my back.

This is bittersweet. It’s refreshing to just simply say, do what you like. But on the other hand, I’m already missing being passionate about the yearbook and trying to make something I’m proud of. I can’t have it both ways, though. And for my happiness and mental well-being, it must be this way.

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Snackish

Nope, that’s not a word….

 

All that has been on my mind the last few days is just how much I’ve been wanting to snack lately. I thought it was because of Christmas and all the food in the house, but now that all of that is gone, I see that it’s just me wanting to snack. I’m not much of a snacker. Never have been. Once ever 3-4 weeks I’d be snacky, but the rest of the time I could do without. I’m wondering if it’s because I’ve stopped smoking. Hopefully with better tracking again, I’ll cut it out. I have been slack on tracking lately.

I stopped smoking about two months ago. I haven’t gained any weight, but I haven’t lost any in the last two months either. Unless you count the water retention problem I had over the holidays. The day after Christmas, I was up 10 pounds (this gain came over a period of about 3-4 days). Two days later, that 10 pounds was gone! That’s a substantial amount of water my body was holding.

So, my goal this week is to get a handle on this snacking problem that has presented itself over the last month or so.

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